Tips Have Lesbian Gender The Very First Time | Autostraddle

How can you have lesbian gender? We have asked this question always from lesbians of all ages that haven’t had lesbian gender and therefore are concerned they don’t understand “how.” Really, listen: taking pleasure in gender isn’t about memorizing 16 opportunities or knowing the most readily useful angle to screw from, taking pleasure in lesbian sex is half-animal half-heart and simply rarely has actually it got anything to perform together with your rational brain, or cognitive reason, or such a thing people could show or anything you could keep reading online.

And while it’s true that one-day you will end up self assured and experienced than you will be now, it is also correct that yourself came to be understanding how to have gender think its great was given birth to focusing on how to consume. Your first time doesn’t have to get an issue, some people don’t actually keep in mind all of our basic times. Alternatively, if you want it to be an issue, it can be. But finally every partner is significantly diffent — completely, completely, totally different — through the subsequent.
What exactly could we reveal, truly

However — concurrently, many recall a period of time when lesbian sex felt like fumbling, or improv, trying to perform a sport we did not understand, like badminton. Or a sport everybody thought you should be proficient at but we weren’t. Meanwhile, other people remember jumping into bed and instinctually being aware what to do as soon as of entryway. Many had sex with kids inside our teens and did not bang a girl ’til the mid-to-late-twenties, and felt like rookies all over again. Therefore we can understand how you might feel a little better-knowing a little something before you take the leap.

Ladies sex, let alone queer sexuality, is generally dismissed by gender ed programs. And while lots of heteros understand intercourse together within their early adolescents, lots of lesbians do not begin that very early and/or are not peer socialized to the intimate world like straights are, and undoubtedly which our whole news culture is organized about and obsessed with heterosexual intercourse.

So we’re gonna get back to concepts. However, while we compose this post, our company is slightly concerned that individuals haven’t any fucking idea what we should’re speaking about. Develop to open up a dialogue for

commenters to talk about unique tales and experiences as well as for every person to ask questions!


This blog post (originally written in 2010 and mostly unaltered from the period) concentrates on lesbian intercourse between cisgender females, although can also be largely applicable to sex between any two people with vulvas, and chock-full of great advice about anyone sex with someone who has a vulva. The language in this post, unlike many our very own gender content material, reflects that mainly for Search Engine Optimization functions. However, trans ladies are ladies and the majority of truly have actually lesbian intercourse, and you can study a number of our numerous suggestions for that within these posts:
Tips Have Lesbian Sex With A Trans Woman
F*cking Trans Women
Harnesses for Trans Females

Pre-Game Your Own Lesbian Sex


When you yourself have a vulva and also you want to know how to create people with a vulva feel great, you’ve got the advantage of making use of your self for an examination topic — not that exactly what pleases could kindly your partner, but it’s a-start. Most likely your showerhead currently familiar with this since childhood, however, if you’re new to masturbation or not used to orgasming, here is
simple tips to masturbate like a champ.
If you are at it,
discover how-to purchase a vibrator

Becoming a seasoned masturbator can help you end up being an effective fan above all else you could potentially ever perform, ever before. Not only will you learn how your lover can please you, but you will have some notion of simple tips to please them.


Touching your self together with your jeans and lingerie on (you can unzip your trousers, but try not to move them down) can be very good practice to suit your date to

Twilight Complete Eclipse With The Sun



When you’re aroused, you could feel warm or flushed. Your own hard nipples gets erect, the clit and vulva will enlarge because of increased circulation. In your human body, the top the snatch will expand.


Check the insides. The exterior of everybody’s vulva is a fresh region, nevertheless the insides are reasonably just like the other person, therefore it is an excellent quick peek for those who have one.


If you’ve got one, have a look at your own vadge when you look at the mirror. I’m sure you’re check out this and believe “OH the GOD I WOULD PERSONALLY NEVER” and not do so. Overcome yourself. Stick
a fucking mirror
in the middle of your legs to check out the crap!

Understand Your Own Vaginal Condition, When You Have One

First circumstances initially: individuals typically utilize the phase “vagina” when writing on the female genital region, which in fact is not proper. Just the right term for your exterior vaginal region is “vulva.” The vagina is inside you, hooking up the vulva on cervix. Here’s
a great post from Teen Vogue that gets into every detail about anatomy

Now you’re sitting here along with your mirror, let us go over the structure of a cisgender woman’s vulva.


Your clit consists of the glans/head (the absolute most painful and sensitive spend 6,000-8,000 nerve endings), the hood (which drapes on top of the glans) plus the shaft (which can be an average of 1.9 cm in total). Some clits tend to be larger than others, and all women can orgasm from clitoral arousal.

Labia Majora:

Them end up being your “pussy lip area.” Next,
the labia minora
are asymmetrical delicate folds of softy spongy erecticle muscle in the labia majora. Some labia minoras stretch beyond the majoras and a few tend to be saved internally. The length/shape of labia minora/majoras is the beginning in which you’ll notice that
every woman’s vagina seems different than another’s


: the genital access is actually below your clitoris and urethral beginning (aka where in fact the pee happens). Genital structure is flexible, you’ve probably heard that children come out of it and fists can go engrossed. Almost all of the neurological endings come in the outside next of this vagina (this means that: don’t get worried about having little arms, it’s nbd).

so many different vulvas included in this vagina artwork by jamie mccatney


Put a thumb inside pussy. Today make a “come-hither” movement towards the forward wall surface of your pussy. Do you realy feel that spot with a texture unlike anything else’s feel? It is a sponge concerning sized a bean that fills with bloodstream during arousal, immediately before your own womb. Some women discover g-spot arousal as well intense, some hate it, some enjoy it, some can orgasm from this, many can female ejaculate from it.



The level region involving the pudendal cleft additionally the rectum. Some ladies find this area intimately sensitive and painful. Slangily referred to as “the taint” ’cause it isn’t the genitals also it is not the arse.

Brushing for Lesbian Intercourse


Can help you actually anything you desire along with your hair, although eliminating it entirely
allows you to susceptible to attacks
also it can end up being really itchy! Listed Here Is
some stats on your tresses elimination practices

Pointers in case you are going to remove some hair:

  • If you possess the cash and time, hair laser removal is the better way to get gone the hair where area for all the long-term. Its generally speaking asserted that laser hair removal works more effectively on much lighter skin hues, but
    thankfully that is changing
  • For most people, waxing could be the best/cheapest strategy to “cleaning” without ingrowns. Based on your skin layer tone and susceptibility, waxing may turn your own skin a gorgeous shade of crimson for on a daily basis, therefore schedule accordingly. We suggest setting it up carried out by a professional, however, if you wanna DIY, Sally Hansen’s are
    inexpensive and easy for novices
    and therefore is this equipment from
  • In case you are shaving, you can get upset major razor burn which often looks like countless red lumps all over your neighborhood.
    Bikini area will allow you to because of this
  • Any time you shave a day or two before setting up, anyone who falls on you will feel they’ve been sticking their own face into a sheet of sandpaper.


Make sure your fingernails tend to be as short as possible and smoothly recorded. If you do have long fingernails or acrylics,
discover how-to make love safely without sacrificing them
. Keeping your arms mega-extra-super-duper-clean is vital. Play it extra-safe by utilizing some handy
latex or nitrile gloves


You guys, your snatch smells great simply the method it’s! Do not douche or otherwise try to infuse the pussy with industries of marigolds. It has a stronger scent when you haven’t showered or have received actually sweaty, that is certainly fine. (Sidenote: the lingering scent of their on the disposal = secret). But in the event your vagina smells very pungently fishy that your particular lover can smell it in your pants from over the room,
you may have BV
and must
go see a gynecologist

Doing The Lesbian Intercourse

To be honest, we kinda do not want one look at this. We desire you to definitely need find it out yourself, like we did! All of you, its thus fun while reach end up being naked or half-naked with another girl! Appropriate?! Intercourse are the most useful as soon as you stop thinking and let your system think for you!

Additionally, there are about 1,000 gender guidelines we can easily offer you throughout the love life, but these days we’re gonna stay extremely



vanilla extract



Merely ’cause you are both girls does not mean exactly what feels very good to you will feel well to the lady. The two of you can suggest what is actually working and what exactly isn’t through terms, noises, or physical feedback. Avoid being ashamed to ask concerns or volunteer what you fancy. It is like Hot/Cold online game, but nude plus slick! Claiming “what would you like” is completely anything we would. So is actually laughing.
We recommend countless chuckling

Lesbian Gender Foreplay

There are a lot of circumstances taking place in the torso region for of you to understand more about, like BOOBS and ears, and having fun with those parts of the body is enjoyable AND a sensible way to get lubed up before every form of drive genital contact does occur (if that is what you want). Many people can orgasm from pleasure of various other parts of the body in addition to the vadge, too. (If it’s your own or your spouse’s first time becoming penetrated, never buy the
jackhammer bang within five full minutes of the basic tongue hug, convenience into that crap!)

Hands-on Clitoral Arousal

This is a good place to begin. Rather self-explanatory. Again, people will need your hand to become a dildo and some will want to be handled with serious delicacy. Learn by inquiring!

Oral intercourse can be so awesome
that it practically feels like cheating. Like were lips built to get here, or perhaps is that anything humankind identified on its own? Per always, err quietly of sensitive. This may be either “teasing” or “how she loves it,” according to the lady. This could possibly be combined with fucking/g-spot arousal, but we are starting quick nowadays, therefore, again, have fun. Sometimes when you yourself have human body image issues, getting eaten down can make you feel actually revealed. Therefore shut your own vision, things are ok. Also keep in mind to
training safer gender with dental dams


While in question, start slow/soft/delicate and create to because fast/hard as she desires it. Guarantee she actually is wet before attempting entrance —
lubricant is a good solution to do this
. Subsequently:

+ Start with your own index fist within just slightly, immediately after which entirely in and then pull in another fist if she desires. (Next a 3rd if she wishes, etc etc) cannot go too fast, provide her time and energy to react.

+ focus on where the some other hands are! If you your index/middle fingers inside this lady, is the thumbnail searching into the woman interior leg? Look at the crap.

+ Some females should not end up being penetrated for a variety of reasons, such as distress, gender identification or sex expression,
and/or a choice for a specific intimate character
(as with “I shag you, you don’t bang me personally.”) If that is you and your partner gets where location, politely move the woman hand and tell the lady for which you perform want to be handled (or you’d quite reach the woman).


Now, sticking the hand down her jeans or over the woman canal can be your first instinct, or possibly it’s what you’ve seen on

The L Keyword

, but that’s only one of many magical methods mature girl fuck various other girls. You will discover 365 approaches to basically dry hump (you


keep lingerie on for this, it can be easier, but kindly carry out lose your top, for the reason that it’s more pleasurable). Possible basically rub up on any section of the woman human anatomy or wipe vadge-to-vadge more or less for the rest of yourself.

More Resources For Great Lesbian Intercourse:

The Greater Amount Of You Are Sure That

  • USUALLY DO NOT NEVER compare parts of the body

    . Comments are superb! But resist the urge to add an evaluation of your own areas on your match with regards to her elements. ‘Your [part] is so even more [way to be] than mine! Waaah.’ = NO.
  • If you are working with non-gender-conforming individuals it’s best to ask before hooking up what is actually okay and what’sn’t. Same for dealing with sex complying people!
  • You have the right feeling as well as comfortable, meaning that
    is key therefore is
    less dangerous gender
    — kindly get a check-up and speak to your companion about any STIs you or she could have before leaping into sleep.
  • Whether you’re 16 or 36, you aren’t “BEHIND.” Because of the patriarchy, it will take you about 15 seconds locate information about an average age where heterosexual gents and ladies shed their V-Cards (16-17), but no such investigation is available for lesbians in terms of we are able to inform. So we’ve completed a laid-back review of Team Autostraddle, that is an undesirable sample population because we are all under 35 and clearly “out” enough to be


    Team Autostraddle very, we imagine, probably a lot more intimately seasoned compared to normal lesbian keep. Whatever, by get older and season of “virginity reduction”:

Among all of our completely non-representative trial sized queer ladies, an average age for “our first-time” is 19.4.

Relevant Databases

Body Parts that might be erogenous otherwise no-fly areas:

+ ears

+ neck

+ hard nipples

+ internal legs

+ legs

+ arms

+ butt

+ small of back

People Carry Out several Folks Never:

+ wish to be penetrated

+ climax from entrance

+ climax

+ incorporate adult toys into gender

+ enjoy g-spot pleasure

+ call for manual clitorial stimulation to climax

+ like clitorial arousal AND genital penetration to climax

+ delight in anal entrance or
butt plugs
consuming butt

+ utilize

+ climax anyway

+ determine as

+ fantasize during sex

+ identify as either a ”
” or a ”

+ determine as either “butch” or “femme”

+ wish to be naked during intercourse

+ wish the lights on while having sex

+ like it rough

have actually an STI

+ wanna

Points That Can Happen Very First Time And Are Totally Fine:

and actually sopping all your bed (it’s not urine, we pledge) (additionally, it’s awesome)

+ Farting or queefing

+ unintentionally cutting/lacerating the vagina (
this occurs to outdated benefits, also
) (

+ perhaps not orgasming

+ Not being

Getting injured

+ Tensing upwards while pentrated

+ Bleeding

+ Bleeding from hymen-breakage

+ Post-sex UTIs or yeast conditions

+ using 30+ minutes to orgasm

+ the arm acquiring tired

+ Weeping

+ Chuckling

+ Feelings

+ No thoughts

+ perhaps not experiencing like whole world changed

+ Feeling just like the whole world altered

+ experiencing like you’re on a new standard of closeness together with your partner

+ Not appreciating it

Don’t be too goal-oriented. Many people don’t come the very first time — many individuals do not appear frequently during intercourse after all! If neither of you would, there is gonna be a moment once you feel you are completed anyhow, like encounter is over, hence might feel weird, but it’s not unusual, it occurs. Prevent as soon as you’d stop any literally exhausting activity — when you do not feel like it any longer. Just laugh and possibly remain naked and hug and chat. Cuddle! Lesbians love to cuddle. Or ask the girl to demonstrate you the way she will get by herself off and the other way around — shared self pleasure is an excellent backup plan for whenever you both wish arrive but can’t apparently obtain it now. Plus it’s hot to look at to see exactly what she does to by herself!

the afterglow




The Lesbian Gender Bible

A lot more practices and advice for lesbian, bisexual and queer ladies that draws near the topic with laughter and irreverence.

Susie Sexpert’s Lesbian Sex Globe

: The address with this book is so unusual and 90s, but you can download it for $2.99 from Amazon and it is — it’s simply FUN. It’s awesome sex-positive and deserves in order to become a cult standard with the lesbian guide world starting today.


The Lesbian Intercourse Book: A Passionate Guide for people

, by Felice Newman: The standard. Buy it, discover it, live it, love it.


Lesbian Sex: 101 Lovemaking Positions

: I gamble you don’t know any single thing about the Joyride, tongue-and-groove, Toast Her, Gilding the Lily, Peach Gobbler, Hanky Spanky, female Wrap or Velvet Rope, perform ya? Well you could transform that.


Getting Off: A Woman’s Self-help Guide To Masturbation

: From intercourse blogger and genital stimulation expert Jayme Waxman.


The body, Ourselves: A Brand New Edition for a unique Era

: make contact with your own womynhood.


Brand new Lesbian Intercourse Book, 3rd Edition

: Interviews with GENUINE LIVE LESBIANS about their sex physical lives, has the influence of reminding you that there’s countless lesbians online making love and it is not simply your partner(s) inside teeny small community by the ocean.


Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Method Of Healing Sexual Trauma

: “The first motivating, sex-positive tips guide for several females survivors of sexual assault — heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, coupled, and unmarried — who would like to reclaim their particular gender physical lives.”

Web Pages:


Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

“Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross are a couple of intergenerational gender good feminists whose dialogue on sexuality and feminism entertains and educates while delving into the Politics of females’s Sexuality.” Includes
a library of “how-to” films
many different sexual functions, including “first-time lesbian gender.”


The-Clitoris Dot Com

“Everything you actually wanted to {know about|learn about|find out about|un

David Jones (Producer)

David Jones (Producer) is the Pastor of Music and Worship at Second Baptist Church in Lancaster SC and the Missions Coordinator for the Washington D.C. division of Worship Convergence International. He has spent his entire life working with church musicians and considers it an honor to be invited along on this project.

David studied music at Averett University and worship at Liberty University, both in Virginia. It is his passion to use music as a means to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ and to proclaim God’s greatness to the world. His prayer is that these albums would further that cause.